One of my favorite lines in A Wrinkle in Time comes from the Happy Medium, who says, in the chapter bearing her name, "It's my worst trouble, getting fond. If I didn't get fond I could be happy all the time." It is a problem, isn't it? As soon as we become attached to someone, we set ourselves up for pain: the pain of empathy and of loss. The Buddhist take on this is that we should strive to remain unattached, to either people or things, because it will hinder our serenity. Perhaps, and sometimes I'm tempted to keep to myself as much as possible for this very reason. But think of the depths of joy we'd be missing out on if we refused to connect with other people.
It reminds me of the theme songs of Rankin and Bass's versions of The Hobbit and The Return of the King, especially the latter, which poses the question, "What good is it to love when the loving always ends?" and notes, "If you never say hello, you won't have to say goodbye." Obviously, Frodo is not controlled by such thoughts. He agrees to take the Ring all the way to Mordor out of love for his friends and for the entire population of the Shire, even those he doesn't know. He has gotten fond, and therefore he puts himself into great danger. And he is a hero to emulate.
Meg returns to the oppressive Camazotz for Charles Wallace because she loves him. Mrs. Whatzit gives up her life as a star because she loves what is good and right in the universe. Love drives so many brave actions in this novel and so many others. Getting fond. It may not be the easiest way to live. But it must be the most fulfilling.
2 comments:
Somehow I missed this post...I'm supposed to get email notification when there's something new. Hmm. Maybe I was half asleep when I saw it or something. :-)
Anyway, I'm kind of glad I didn't see this post right away because the timing is much better today. I just found out last night that there's a possibility some good friends of our's could be moving, sooner rather than later, and I'm having a hard time dealing with yet one more change...or even potential change.
I agree with you that "getting fond" can make things difficult but that loving is the only way to fully live! I've had a lot of time to think about this in recent years
as so many of our friends are in a student community (the seminary). Just when we get close to someone, they seem to leave. In general, we have between 1-3 years to really get to know people. And I go through phases, truly, where I think I just can't bear to have another close friend move away, so I'll actively not "pursue" friendships. Then that gets lonely and doesn't feel healthy, so I take a deep breath and dive back in... etc.
Still, I know you're right (and Madeleine is right). I'd make a lousy Jedi. Detachment has always seemed like a foolish and life-denying choice. Of course, the fun thing is...Lucas (at his storytelling best) realized that too. Luke was also a lousy Jedi. He did all the things a good Jedi wasn't supposed to do when he went passionately out a limb for his friends and for Darth Vader. "Saving love at the heart of everything" ... again.
It's also why I don't understand the appeal of monistic theology in general: the idea that love and hate are just two sides of the same coin (which kind of leads to that idea of avoiding extremes and trying to balance somewhere in the middle). Nope. Love and hate have similarities, in that they both have power when wielded, but such different kinds of power! Meg knew better thank to think she could defeat IT by hating. That was IT's game -- and not only was IT better at it than she could ever be, but the act of hate would actually mean she threw her lot into IT and got annihilated by IT. Love is a whole different force, and has a whole different source.
Okay, I've wandered far afield. Great post though!
I just realized I never responded to this... I'm on the brink of a good friend moving away too, in a couple of weeks. Funnily enough, though, I'm finding I'm not that upset about it; when he graduated from high school six years ago, I thought that would probably be the end of our friendship, but it survived five years of absence, with occasional visits to Erie. Now, between his family being in Erie (and his sister being my best friend) and staying in touch through online means like Facebook and e-mail, California doesn't seem so far away. It does seem like technology has made departures feel a lot less permanent...
Anyway, so much of life is about forging connections with others, whether or not you remain in sustained contact with those people. It makes life so much more fulfilling on so many levels...
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